Twenty Six

Mr Smith and I have been married for 26 years today. Quite an achievement even if we do say so ourselves. We would throw a big party and invite you all round but we haven't quite recovered from the one we had last year.

My friend Dynamic Denise came round for a cupcake masterclass. She is an expert cook and very creative. I felt rather smug knowing that bit more than her and realising I hadn't acquired it all in a couple of hours at a mate's house. I imparted some of my pearls of, mostly self-taught, wisdom kindly not ommitting the vital parts. Really cupcakery is just an expensive hobby that you can eat. Actually, it's much less expensive than Mr Smith's hobby of wine; a really expensive hobby you can drink, or golf, a really really expensive hobby you can bore on about for twenty six years.

Learning curves

I went to sign on for a patchwork course but met a friend at the college who persuaded me to do stained glass instead. This could be fun - do you think it involves oxycetylin torches? I have visions of beautiful Burne Jones church windows but will probably make a teeny little star and be terribly proud of it.

I've got toothache. I think if I ignore it it might go away. It might.

Fish for dinner - brain food

Since I am the only person in this house even vaguely on British Time, I had a very efficient day. I wrote a list of tasks then crossed them off one by one. The offspring emerged from their beds at about midday wanting to know what was for lunch. One of my tasks involved a trip to Waitrose to top up our fish supply for tonight's fish pie as I felt the one meagre cod steak would not stretch to four people. When I got back the student anounced he was going out! Oh the trials of being a mother/b&b owner/restaurant manager/chef etc.

I decided to tackle the horribly complicated patchwork quilt kit I bought in Canada. I now have several options open to me. I could put it down as a bad buy and bin it or give it away, sign on for a hideously expensive course or slog on regardless. All the above will annoy Mr Smith. I have chosen to persevere. My God, it's tricky. I had to go to a printer to get the pattern enlarged. The printer was as flummoxed as me. I have laid it all out on my cutting table in the ironing room but now Mr Smith wants to iron so I will have to put it all away again. We need a larger house... and a sewing lady. And a cook.

Honey Kruller, I'm home

We were on the motorway on the way to the airport when the doors of a Tim Horton's donut lorry in front of us flew open and all the donuts landed on our car so we had to stop so I could lick them all off .... then I woke up and found we were landing at Heathrow. It was a lovely dream. I think I need therapy to overcome my Canadian donut addiction. Of course I could proceed to Krispy Kremes to make a comparison.

I am not too jet lagged. I am a bit tired but have got back to British time quite quickly unlike Mr Smith who slept all morning as did the Apprentice. How lazy. I did spend the morning in bed but that was different, I was reading and occupying my mind.

Mr Smith has just found me the most heavenly dogs to knit. See Best in Show at www.muirandosborne.co.uk. I have ordered the pattern book, so stand by for Christmas when you will all be getting a knitted dog.

Pack up your troubles

My kit bag is suddenly very small and I am trying to ram Canada into it as sadly this is the last day of our great Canadian holiday.

What I have loved in Canada: - absolutely everything especially the gorgeous light and fluffy donuts, the delicious lobsters and Canadian breakfasts of pancakes and maple syrup.

What I didn't like: Wallmart - it's identical to ASDA. It was like a bad dream where I woke up back in England before my holiday had finished.

And now I'm off to an all night party on an uncomfortable British Airways flight home. I think I'll start planning my next holiday right away.

O O Ottawa

Mr Smith and I drove off to Ottawa, thinking it was a little trip down the road. Five hours later we were still driving in the pouring rain - a little bit further than we anticipated. It was worth it as it is a great city. Once again we stayed in hotel posh. I swam in the art deco pool and felt virtuous then hit the donut shop. The art gallery was quite superb. The weather cheered up and we wandered along the Rideau Canal and admired the sites being good tourists.

To to Toronto

Mr Smith and I Torontoed. We stayed at a very grand hotel and felt swanky. Having sent the Apprentice son off to meet a friend, I met Lovely Lauren, my niece, and mosied around a couple of museums and learnt how to explore Toronto; the subway is super easy. Mr Smith and I then had an excellent two days on our own spending much money and seeing many a site.

The weather suddenly changed from scorching to freezing - well very rainy - overnight. We went Amish hunting at the farmer's market. We found some pretty bonneted girls behind their strawberries but I became a bit suspicious of their supposedly frugal lifestyles as they were selling imported fruit from the States and there seemed little evidence of horse and cart; perhaps they had flown to market in their private jet?