After the Event

My mother spent two days trying to degrease her extractor fan panels. "But you just put them in the dishwasher" says I helpfully. She knows now as the man in Peter Jones told her the same thing.

I spent two days trying to make a neat umbrella hole in ID Jane's table cloth. I had to make a bias tape out of a bit of edging - there wasn't much - sew the bits together and neatly edge the hole. "But you can buy little rings in Peter Jones that you press together." I know now.

ID Jane very kindly left me a note on her smart notepaper at Lavender Cottage. Dear Annehrl, Thank you exhjfpg gjgowery hspoew;n holy moly jolly polly erganzt ... at which point I simply gave up. Her pen must have been set on predictive text.

My parents came to dinner last night and I cooked a dinner of the sort that reduces the kitchen to a bomb site and the washing up will loiter for many a day. I was considering calling in a few favours ... Who would like to come and wash up for me and dry up and put away? I know, the student son. He's in bed right now, it not being dark yet - midday. After all I drove him all the way to Farnham and back yesterday AND I managed to cook the dinner. Today I have to try and get his enormous tent back into its teeny weeny little bag; perhaps I could ask Bear Grylls to come and help - he's gorgeous and good at camping (when he doesn't slope off to the nearest five star hotel). He could then eat the left over pork en croute and pavlova from last night and then do the washing up.