You can't curry love

I had a brainwave of an idea - I do sometimes. I am going to make arty calendars for Christmas, as I did last year - only, I'll do more and better ones this year. So to order the calendars. Firstly, I couldn't find the website as it kept telling me it was closed or dead or something. Then I had no internet connection. Then my computer would only do a blank screen. Then, when I eventually did find it, there were no calendars of the sort I liked. I had to order skinny ones .... three times as I didn't have a password but did, apparently, have an account. I ordered a new password, replaced the order, then couldn't pay because it wouldn't take my credit card. So I have now cancelled 2011. It seemed the only sensible thing to do.

I made chicken curry last night and they moaned. It was a delicious korma but according to Mr Smith and the Apprentice, my ever appreciative audience, it was too mild. I added nuts and cream and everything. I think they prefer a cook-in sauce, the Philistines. I shall scour the shelves of Waitrose for a Bangalore Phal sauce and add a few extra chillies then watch Mr Smith turn purple.