Cakes and operations

I went to Arty Antonia's birthday tea in Bognor armed with little cakes that went down a treat. She had very nice friends there with whom I drank copious cups of tea and ate silly little cakes. Her man was there. I greeted him with "Hello Shit Face, I see you're back in her life." He laughed, he knew he deserved no better. Antonia was dismayed. I then had to atone for my sin (if caring for your dear friend is a sin) by listening to a blow by blow account of the man's gall bladder operation. Every time I wanted to scream "Stop, please, I can't take any more" I found myself asking another medical question and inspecting his livid scars and horrific midriff bruising. I asked for it, I got it. When the man had gone a friend arrived who had also had a gall bladder removed. Gosh, I didn't know it was a gall bladderless zone - I should have left mine at home. Of course talk of such things leads to everyone describing in detail every medical complaint and subsequent surgery they've ever had. I'm sure the birthday weekend will get jollier and I hope Antonia has a fun one.

I spent the rest of the evening with Simon & Donna in the Witterings. We went for a curry and had an alzheimer conversation - You know the one who was in that thing with whatsername - Oh yes, they then did thingummy and that other thing, you know the one with hujumaflip. And so it went on. We know each other well enough to get the drift and work through our senility at the age of 50 something. Simon calls it Alzhsimons.

Margot Fonteyn

Ooooh I'm all zingy and whizzy having just been to my Zumba dance class. It was brilliant and I was awfully good at it even though I was token fat person in the chorus. Those tap dancing classes I fumbled through paid off well as this is about 200 times easier. It's belly dancing meets Latin American. Not for those with a hip replacement, one feels. It was exhausting and I am a bit sweaty but I really enjoyed it and can't wait to go again. (Youtube/surreyzumba). Yesterday, on an impulsive whim I bought a spotty top which was perfect for Zumba. It is big a flowy arrangement that covers the fat bits very nicely. I am actually the size of two of most of the tiny stick creatures in the class and I was feeling rather large until Big Belinda turned up late. Was I pleased to see her!

Calling all men who like sporty little pale yellow cars with spikes on the wheels. Internet Dating Jane has got one and it's called Daisy.

Cup Cake Factory

Help I am a prisoner in a cupcake factory ... and loving it. I am making 24 for Antonia, 6 for Lizzie, lots of teeny ones with buterflies on the top and any leftovers can be eaten by my family.

If I eat a blueberry cheesecake muffin for breakfast I have used up my entire calorie intake until dinner - oh well so what! I really love blueberry muffins. The bit where your tongue hits the blueberries ooooooh just fantasmagorical.

Zumba, zumba like me

I went to Aqua Zumba, as one does - lots of prancing about in the water in front of a beautiful little ballet dancer lady. "Come to my Zumba studio dance class on Friday" she says. And before I knew what I was doing I was asking time, place and dress code. I then met a lady in the changing room who warned me of the horrors the Zumba studio dance class. Apparently, not only is it impossible, it is also knackering and soul destroying as you flail about hopelessly unable to keep up even a bit. Oh God, here we go. Also it is at an impossibly early hour. I need to buy some suitable shoes as my MBTs are just too clodhopping for dancing.

By the way Mr Smith wasn't very pleased with me about Sainsbury's (see yesterday) but then he's never very pleased with me about anything much. Must try harder. He wants to go away for the weekend ... goodbye, have a nice time; it looks like rain.

Hey good looking, what you got cooking?

I was going to clean the kitchen but then, on second thoughts, I think I'll just mess it up a bit more.

Firstly, I went shopping. I knew there was some reason why I had to go to Sainsburys but when I got there it bypassed me. When I got home I saw the £12 off voucher and nectar card Mr Smith had carefully put out for me. What shall I do? I could destroy the £12 voucher or I could tell him about a dreadful explosion in Sainsbury's that caused the till to go wrong so it couldn't take the voucher but it should all be back to normal next week.

Then I cooked. On the go we have Hungarian Goulash, Blackberry and Apple Crumble and lasagne. That just about exhausts my culinary repertoire of inedible meals. We will eat what we can and freeze what we can't.

Moo

When I start projects it is always with such enthusiasm which then wanes half way through before the whole thing becomes torture. I am at the torture stage with the latest cow, though I have performed a great transformation on one side - I have the other boring side to complete ... tomorrow. I've had quite enough for one day.

It takes two to tango, one to walk.

I am all excited about Arty Antonia's cake fest next weekend. Three days of tea and cakes seems a great way to spend your birthday to me. I will be making her cupcakes this week. I wish she'd answer her phone so I could ask her how many she'd like. Oh well, I'll just take an embarrassingly large amount - she can always freeze them or feed them to the hamster if all else fails.

Did I mention that I'd received my certificate for my coast to coast walk? It's very grand and laminated and on proud display for all to admire. It inspires me to put my walking boots on and do more trudging. Since it never rains I don't have bad weather as an excuse to sit in front of Countdown. Mr Smith is threatening to come walking too. Whilst it would be very nice to be accompanied by someone with a sense of direction, I rather think this is a solitary passtime as I don't want competitive pacing or any "Oh do come on" as I stop to admire a bee. I'll think about it.