How tarty exactly is leopard skin?

Last night I went to a drinks party where there was much champagne. I ended up sloshed, as usual, but was still able to stagger home sort of upright. I remember telling our host I hated his wallpaper ... twice. I then had a long conversation with someone I thought was someone else and got groped by the statutory groper who was wearing far too much smelly aftershave. At this party there was a very beautiful lady of 60 something who was slightly fat, wearing leopard skin print and brown leather trousers and when I grow up I want to be her. She looked so elegant and somehow not a bit tarty but just chic and her plumpness made her look cosy. I want to be more elegant and less elephant. If I wore leopard print I'd look like I was on the game. Actually I do have a lsp bra somewhere that gets dragged out for the occasional anniversary but I am too fat for the matching pants.

So much for my time alone. The Student is at home. It is his birthday next week - 21. Good grief, my baby is going to be twenty one. As he has no idea what he wants for his birthday, I suggested a shopping trip where he can get some new clobber paid for by his Mumsie. Much to my amazement he didn't shy at the idea - must have got over that thing of "Could you walk on the other side of the road so if we meet anyone I know they don't think I am shopping with my mother." And where is his father? In Turkey playing stupid golf.