Romantic Candlelit Dinner for Mr & Mrs Smith

Mr Smith and I pored over the Cordon Bleu book together. Cor what a palaver. We shredded a cabbage, washed the shredded cabbage, drained the shredded cabbage, blanched the shredded cabbage, rinsed it in cold water, drained it again, fried it with onion, read it a little story then stewed it for an hour on the hob with two guinea fowl and some polish sausage on top. One also had to make a bouquet garni and repeat the whole cabbage procedure with some lardons; I can't believe I actually did this, but I did. After the prescribed time the guinea fowl hadn't cooked through and the cabbage was reduced to mush. I asked Mr Smith to slice the sausage, as I was trying to clean the silver candlesticks that he insisted on using in order to romaticise the meal. (Why? He doesn't do romantic.) He hacked it up into gigantic slabs of sausage. I must say I had some misgivings about this meal from the first read through of the recipe but only due to the Herculean quality of the work required. If I do this again I will simply braise the guinea fowl over the cabbage in the oven and add a few delicate slices of sausage to garnish.

The pudding didn't fare that well either. It was a quite delicious strawberry charlotte but the charlotte bit, made with my very own sponge fingers, had gone mushy. At least it held its shape. I really should have followed the instructions more carefully and made only 3-5hrs prior to serving. But I was making silly little dog cakes then.

The result: Two exhausted people stirring a bit of school cabbage and meat around their plates in limited lighting with the dog and the Apprentice popping in and out at 5 minute intervals. Romantic? Well, we drank pink champagne.