Granny's millions

Oooh I am so excited about my forthcoming trip to Holland. I bought a little moleskine guide to Amsterdam which isn't actually a guide as you have to write it yourself but it has suitably confusing maps and lots of sections. I managed to book a restaurant for my birthday dinner so I feel I am really organised now even if I can't find the Rijksmuseum on the map.



I met my mother at the V&A where we went to a rather odd exhibition of computerised art. It was the sort of thing I normally go to see at the Hayward - the V&A bringing contemporary art to the tweedy. We then went to the jewellery section which was lovely - I really recommend a visit. My mother then wanted to go to a restaurant for lunch that she said was just nearby - several bus journeys later we found it!



I told her that I was unable to go to the Caribbean as I have to pay for my forthcoming operation. She assures me my grandmother (one of Britain's richest women) is finally about to cop it so I can pay for it out of my inheritance. Poor old Granny - she has been hanging on by a thread for a while now and we've all started talking about her as though she's a smelly old dog we need to have put down. Unfortunately, the law is so shit hot now, you daren't even give her so much as an extra aspirin. Mr Smith is all for going there with his little stickers marked "property of mr & mrs smith". I think waiting until she has finally departed would be polite.